Going Down Swinging

Well, I have my answer to who would bother airing anti-Kasich political ads.

Marco Rubio, of course.

I saw two instances of the same Rubio ad last night. It was a kind of confusing mish-mash starting with (I'm paraphrasing here), "Marco Rubio is awesome," segueing into "Donald Trump is the debbil," then "a vote for Cruz or Kasich = a vote for Trump," so "vote Marco. Yay!" All in less than a minute.

Two things:

Those were the only political spots I saw all night although that may be my fault since most of my limited TV time was spent either on the BBC, Al Jazeera (while it lasts), or the pre-March Madness tournaments. Colbert was the exception and that's where I saw them. I realize Florida is a large state with very numerous and distinct TV markets but, although two is a definite increase over the one, or none, per day I've been subjected to so far, this does not at all feel like a saturation campaign just days before a must-win election. Perhaps they're suffering more in Miami, Orlando and Jacksonville.

Also, the ads were put together and run by Rubio's superPac since, according to reports/rumours, Rubio's campaign is out of money and can't afford to do any commercials on their own in his own home state! I'm sure that's a confidence builder for his backers.

Our Cookie-Based Civitas

We're halfway through our early voting period before the primary election next Tuesday. The library's meeting room has been taken over by voting machines and the people who serve them, although the Christians who camp out by the door with their proselytizing propaganda have not moved as they have done in the past. They may have worked out some accommodation or, perhaps the authorities realize they're basically harmless.

I'm waiting for election day to cast my vote, mostly because the folks who run the actual precinct voting stations always have cookies and pastries and soft drinks available and never enough voters show up so there is always plenty to go around. The early-voting places are just boringly utilitarian.

I also get cookies and juice when I donate platelets.

There's no point in pretending my attention to civic duties is anything more than a Pavlovian response to a baked-goods stimulus.

Speaking of stimuli, there are no, zero, nada candidate signs on the approach road to the library. Normally there are dozens, frequently multiple signs per candidate. And I haven't seen any yard signs on lawns, either.

The TV spots are picking up, a little. I saw two more anti-Trump pieces, one of which was repeated, and another pro-Rubio. The most surprising one, however, was a hit on former Ohio governor, John Kasich.

John Kasich! Seriously?

Whose campaign manager, or superPac media "expert" has enough money to throw away attacking Kasich? Who in this race believes Kasich is any kind of threat? Is there some kind of deadline by which you have to spend a certain amount of money and you couldn't think of anything better to do with it?

Here's an idea: Buy cookies for everyone.

And, Here. We. Go.

Our presidential primary is now under two weeks away and I have finally seen campaign attack ads. Two, precisely.

Just to set the record straight, I have seen a couple of Bernie Sander's ads, I think, but they were on MSNBC, a national cable channel, not local, and I could be wrong about that because they sometimes run bits of various ads as explanatory material to their editorial segments. The two I'm talking about were local and real.

The first was from an obvious Marco Rubio supporter, although I think not from the campaign itself since it didn't have the "I'm [CANDIDATE] and I support this . . ." disclaimer. It started by claiming Rubio has foreign policy expertise (dubious, but O.K.) and then went on to disparage Donald Trump. The best line was (paraphrasing), "He claims he can negotiate with China because a Chinese bank is a tenant in one of his buildings."

The second one was also anti-Trump and didn't mention any other candidate, so must have been put out by a super-pac. It went on about all his various business failures, an impressive list.

And that's it.

No Hillary or Bernie ads even though the Democratic primary is the same day.

No other Republican ads either for or against any of the candidates, all (and I mean all) of whom are still on the ballot here. No generic attack ads for or against anyone. Just those two spots, and each one just once. I don't watch a lot of TV and what I do watch is seldom local, but still.

I cannot imagine it will stay this quiet until March 15.

Clockwork Democracy

In all my years of voting I have never seen an official notice like the one that appeared in the newspaper yesterday. I don't know if this is the result of some new law or if I just haven't been paying attention all this time.

Our Supervisor of Elections, who has been trying to recover some semblance of competency after the fiasco of two- and three-hour waiting lines during the last presidential election, placed a half-page advertisement/public notice in English and Spanish on page 2 of the local paper. It's title is "Canvassing Board Meetings and Logic and Accuracy Testing Schedule" and it opens up all the inner workings of the elections office to public scrutiny (which may have been the case already, but who knew?).

For starters, we actually have four elections happening together on March 15: two separate municipal elections (City of Bonita Springs and Town of Fort Myers Beach), and a referendum special election for the Matlacha/Pine Island Fire District as well as the presidential primaries for both Republicans and Democrats. Only the "D" primary applies to me.

The next section of the notice lists the 10 early voting stations and their days and hours of operation. I've never seen that published before although I'm sure it must have been. One of the polling places is our library and I'm there often enough that I couldn't miss it if I wanted to.

The most interesting part, however, is the chart that makes up the bottom half of the notice giving the dates, times locations and tests to be done to insure the completeness and accuracy of the election(s). For instance, the first line:

DATE           TIME          EVENT                    LOCATION                                PURPOSE

03-01-16      9:00 AM     logic and accuracy   Lee County Election Center       Test, by a random method of

Tuesday                        testing                   13180 S Cleveland Ave               selection, the voting machines 

                                                                 Fort Myers 33907                       to be used in the election during 

                                                                                                                 early voting and at the precincts

                                                                                                                 on Election Day

There follows: Test absentee ballot tabulators (also 3/1 right after the logic testing) and initial canvass of already-received absentee ballots. Then on Thursday, review of absentee ballots followed by more absentee ballots on Tuesday (election Day) and receipt of unofficial election results, then provisional ballots on Friday 3/18, overseas ballots and election certification on Friday 3/25 and a manual audit the following Monday 3/28.  All of which is very explicitly open to the public. As it should be.

I may just have to cross the river and check this all out.

Taking the Plunge

Two women from the county clerk's office were at the library today when I stopped in. They had set up their voter registration table off to the side of the entryway. They get to be inside the foyer. The Christians are set up just outside in the shade of the arcade which is nice for them in the summer but our high temperature today was 68°F (20°C) and that was at sunrise. It's been dropping since and it's very windy out there.

I walked right past the county folks at first but turned around when I realized this is now 2016 and the primaries are coming up soon. I have been thinking of registering with a party to either vote for Bernie Sanders, who I really like, or, in an attempt to monkeywrench the Republicans, Donald Trump.

The incredibly helpful women (possibly employees, possibly volunteers, I didn't ask) had the necessary form (indeed, a full stack of them. Are there that many people choosing sides this time around?) right on the table. Although a different form, it asked the same information as a new voter registration form (which they also had in abundance) and took all of three minutes to fill out.

The only reason it took me that long is because I hesitated when I got to the choosing party section. There was a check box for "Democratic Party," and one for "Republican Party," one for "No Party Affiliation" which is totally redundant since not checking any of the boxes automatically results in the default "no party affiliation" status, and the last box, "Minor Party," with a space for the voter to fill in the name of the minor party of choice. (There were no suggested minor party names, i.e., Green, Libertarian, etc., which makes me wonder if I could just make up any party name I wanted and have that listed on my voter registration card.)

Anyway, I hesitated over which path to choose, support good or fight evil. I finally decided that, if I am going to start receiving political junk mail—and I know I will, now—I really don't want to see xenophobic fear-mongering, religious pandering and/or economic nonsense.

I am a proud new—officially registered—member of the Florida Democratic Party.

Go Bernie!

Is This What Democracy Feels Like?

I have been voting now for near on fifty years, ever since I was old enough to register. I have missed maybe two or three elections in all that time. Never before have all of my choices/candidates won. In fact, the vast majority of my candidates over the years have lost mostly because I do not vote a party line in any election and usually go for the third (or fourth) party candidates. Also, recently I've tended to live in very lopsidedly one-party states. The only presidential candidate I ever voted for who won was Barack Obama.

Imagine my surprise when the returns came back this week from Tuesday's local election.

All the candidates I chose won. Admittedly there were only three of them, but still. Every charter amendment I voted for passed and the ones I opposed lost.

I'm not quite sure how to deal with this strange sense of accomplishment and satisfaction, but I doubt it will survive next year's election.

 

Crikey! What a Bunch of Cheapskates!

I was at the library, which is one of the early voting locations, and decided to get my civic duty over with.

There were seven or eight volunteers and poll watchers there to serve me, the lone voter (although I had seen other people going in and out earlier). The ID-checker-man said my signature on the electronic card reader thingy looked just like the one on my license which I'm not sure was a compliment but it did allow me to go and get my ballot.

I voted "Yes" on all the charter amendments except for lowering the veto requirements and lowering the referendum requirements. I also voted for the non-ideological, non-Tea Party candidates for council, at least as far as I could tell in a non-partisan, no-label election.

And I was shocked (shocked, I say!) to discover that the change in how elected city officials' pay would be determined means that the $36,600 and $32,600 salaries listed in the amendment will represent a 50% increase over what they're being paid now! Are you kidding me?! This is the tenth largest city in the state by population, almost 155,000 people, and we've been paying these guys between $19- and $23,000 a year to run the place?? It may have been a part-time job when the city was first incorporated but it sure ain't now.

Well, I did my part. Now we'll just have to wait until after the official election day, this Tuesday, to find out just what kind of tightwads the rest of the neighbors are. My hopes are not high.

Ignorance Under the Law

Confession time. When I moved to this city I never took the time to sit down and actually read the city charter. In fact, I never read the charter of Salt Lake City when I lived there, nor of any other place I've ever lived. Every incorporated municipality has one, right?

Has anyone read their city's charter or incorporating documents?

Ever?

And I don't count lawyers hired by or contracted to a city who must read it as part of their jobs, nor lawyers for people who might want legal recourse against a municipality. I'm referring to real people.

And yet, this fall, we, the voters who have never read our charter, are being asked to amend it in seven different places. Because we're the ones in charge, after all.

Most of the amendments seem sensible enough:

• Change the amount of severance pay due to city officers when they get fired from four months to four months or whatever is required by state law, whichever is less. (Yes, let's follow state law, please.)
• Change the mayor's and city council's salaries to a fixed amount instead of one based on the number of registered voters. (Who came up with that weird formula in the first place? And the mayor's salary will be only $36,600 a year? Council members, $32,600. For a city with a population just shy of 155,000 people? Really?)
• Change the charter to specify that emergency regulations must be enacted in accordance with state law. (There's the second reference to behaving according to state law. How were we doing it before?)
• Bring our anti-discrimination ordinances up to par by including color, religion sexual orientation, national origin, age, handicap, marital status and/or any class protected by state or federal law. (Yay! I don't have any idea how many of those were not covered before and I wish it were possible to just say "Don't discriminate," but since people in power apparently need to be told in detail this will do nicely for now. And again with the obeying state law thing.)

Two proposed amendments, I don't know what their effect will be or what the intent really is:

• Reduce the number of signatures needed to force a referendum from 15% to 10%. (There's a fine line between allowing citizens to bypass a recalcitrant council and encouraging cranks to petition for their every little hobby horse. If we cross that line it could be nigh impossible to claw back to it. Technically, each of these amendments constitutes its own referendum, already. Just based on the published letters to the editor, I'm inclined to believe we have enough Tea Partiers in town to really gum up the works if given the chance. I'm leaning towards, "No.")
• Reduce the number of members on future Charter Review Commissions (O.K., I guess these folks have read the charter. Don't know how many are lawyers, though.) from nine to seven with two alternates. (Seems like a housekeeping kind of thing. Perhaps they didn't all get along this time. I'll likely go for it.)

And one proposal is a no go from the start:

• Reduce the number of votes needed to override the mayor's line-item veto from two-thirds to a simply majority (but not less than four). (Sorry, no. This is a power grab by the council that will enable them to get their pet projects approved at the expense of the entire city using the good-ol'-boy, buddy-buddy, "I'll override yours if you override mine," system. Our council has too many goofballs (and developers/politicians in developers' pockets) on it to trust them. Perhaps we could get more competent people if we paid them more?)

So there we are. We are charged with changing the rules by which we govern ourselves. It's kind of inspiring although it does make me wonder what else we're still doing that isn't "in accordance with state law."

Not enough to go read the damned charter, though.

(Non-)Participatory Democracy

We finished up a week or so of early voting last week followed by the official primary vote day to select the candidates for each political party who will now run against each other for various local offices.

I say "we" although that "we" doesn't include "me" since I am unaffiliated and not allowed to involve myself in the parties' selection of their candidates, it being an internal party matter. (There is an interesting exception: If only one party will have a candidate for a particular office in the general election, a situation which can and does happen in this heavily conservative area where liberals have trouble finding people willing to be sacrificial lambs, then the primary for that office effectively becomes the general for that office and is open to all voters. That did not happen this time around.)

Someone wrote a letter to the paper complaining that the turnout was only 18%. It wasn't clear if that was of the total electorate (which wouldn't be quite fair since about 30% of the voters were, like myself, ineligible due to our independent status) or just of the party members. Either way is still pretty pathetic.

I am seriously thinking of registering with a political party in order to be able to vote in one or the other of the upcoming presidential primaries next spring. I just haven't decided whether to register Democrat in order to vote for Bernie Sanders because I think he's great, or Republican so I can vote for Donald Trump and try to monkeywrench their process. High road, low road. Which shall it be?

An interesting side note to last week's primaries: One of the early voting places was the town library and for the first day or two the Christians who have their little display out in front by the meeting room door moved over to the far side of the main entrance. Then they moved back for the rest of the week. I guess somebody figured out they weren't stumping for any listed candidate and weren't violating the ban on campaigning within a hundred yards of a polling place. Besides, they only talk amongst themselves unless someone approaches them and initiates the conversation.

Balloons Are Up. Dead To Follow

Our Hallowe'en decorations are finally up.

Almost.

The balloons are emplaced and, except for the ones over on the far side of the driveway (which include the headless horseman and the hearse), inflated. We have a couple of new ones including a large orange and black spider with glowing swirly lights in its abdomen. Neighbor Dan has a similar one but its abdomen is white and the swirly lights are multi-colored. I like ours better.

Neighbor Dan has had his decorations up since the first week of October. My brother intended to put ours up shortly after he saw Neighbor Dan's yard but his truck broke (again) that weekend so he couldn't retrieve anything from storage and then his truck was stolen so he mowed the lawn instead which was necessary but insufficient as this is the time of year when the grass shoots up about a foot over night and sets its seeds. Its all getting a bit raggedy already. He finally got around to placing balloons a few days ago.

Our yard still looks sparse compared to Neighbor Dan's but that's mostly because a lot of our decorations are not inflatables: the zombie wedding party, tombstones, dancing skeletons, etc. that really shouldn't be put out too far in advance although there's hardly any chance of rain anymore. Even the TV weather people have officially announced the end of Rainy Season. The days have been glorious, warm and sunny; the nights clear, cool and dry.

We have a couple new zombies, too. Actually, three, I think, plus the dog skeleton. They're the top-half-of-the-body-bursting-through-the-ground type zombies and will go well with the tombstones. One of them arrived broken and when my brother called the company they said they'd received a number of complaints about that one and they would refund his money and he could just go ahead and keep it anyway. That's the way to ensure customer loyalty. The skeleton dog is poseable and is currently leashed to the picket fence along the walkway to our front door. I don't understand how a skeleton can have ears and a nose, but otherwise he's kinda cute.

People have been driving by to check out the neighborhood prior to the pillaging spree this Friday. They seem to be impressed, if they are new to the area, or, if not, satisfied the tradition continues.

Oh, and I voted for the fourth time this year, not that it'll do any good in this district. Maybe in the statewide races.

Civic Duty x 3 . . . and Counting

Today is officially the third of the four elections we are scheduled to hold this year although, thanks to early voting, I got my opinion in last Saturday.

The first was the primary to choose the candidates to replace our brand-new coke-head family-values congressman who had to resign after being busted only months after taking office.

The second was the special election between the winners of the aforementioned primary. To fill the office between special election and the next general election. This November.

Today, two months later, is the primary election to choose the candidates who will run in the general election this November except for the races where the winning candidate today would be otherwise unopposed in which case this is the regular election for all intents and purposes. The primary races where there will be opposition in November are closed, meaning only registered party members may vote to choose the party candidate. Races where there will be no other opposition are open and any registered voter may vote in those. Some races, even though they will be contested in November, are officially non-partisan and, again, anyone can vote in those. In addition, some elections are for offices in special districts which do not match the boundaries of the congressional or state legislative districts (i.e., fire districts, county commission, board of education, etc.) either encompassing only part of a larger district or overlapping with another district. Only some voters are eligible to vote in those depending on residence.

And people wonder why no one can tabulate a Florida election accurately.

Actually, I was impressed with the technology when I went in to vote. I presented my driver's license as ID which the woman at the first station scanned and, since it lists my address, the computer knew exactly which races I was eligible to vote in. It then printed out a neat one-page ballot tailored specifically for me (and anyone else living in my same neighborhood). I didn't have to worry about missing a vote or, worse, marring (and maybe voiding) the ballot by voting in a contest I should not have. In previous elections, I recall ballots where all the contests were presented and different races had different warnings attached as to who could and could not vote in them. In two languages. That's a lot of wasted trees.

Unfortunately, despite the fact that early voting uses consolidated polling stations and any registered voter can use any polling place, I was the only voter in mine for the entire (admittedly short) time it took me to cast my ballot. The turnout for off-year, primary elections, despite the fact that most of the government people actually deal with, and gripe about, on a day-to-day basis is local, is pathetic.

And thus, we get the government we deserve.

Jumping the Gun

It's three days before the special Republican primary election to select one of the candidates (and, given, the hard conservatism of this district, the likely winner) to replace our disgraced coke-headed Tea Party congressman and the local newspaper has done something I don't recall ever seeing before.

Their dead-tree edition has a front page story, covering the top two-thirds, effectively calling the race for one of the candidates based on a poll conducted earlier in the week. The headline reads, "ALL CLAWSON," with a picture of the candidate about twice as large as the others. (I think the size of the photo is equivalent to the per centage of favorable responses in the poll.) Clawson is an "outsider," a Tea Party darling and something of a carpetbagger, just like the last few congressmen from this district everyone is so embarrassed about.

The poll was conducted over three days and limited to registered Republicans (it's a closed primary) who claimed they were "certain" or "likely" to vote. There were 669 respondents. Further breakdown reveals that 91% were white, and 50% are over 65 years old. Another 36% are between 45 and 65. There's no telling how many of the remaining 14% are real close to 45 but as the Tea Partiers and other far right conservatives die off around the country, this will probably be their last stronghold.

Meanwhile, the actual election is still in progress. Early voting has been going on all week. Absentee ballots have reportedly been received at the county clerk's office in near record numbers. And the official election day isn't until Tuesday.

The cynic in me wonders if this is not a ploy by the newspaper (which is actually fairly moderate on political issues) to make Clawson supporters believe the election is in the bag, thereby lowering their turnout on election day and getting the followers of one of the also-rans fired up to go vote. Politics is dirty enough around here that it's possible.

So, This Year Is Pretty Much Planned Out Already

We're having an extra round of elections here, this year. Yay.

Our brand new Teabagger congressman, the former right-wing family-values radio talk-show host who was accused during the campaign of owning porno urls and squatting on competitors' addresses, was -- surprise, surprise -- busted up in Washington for buying cocaine. He was set up by his supplier.

Fortunately for him, the amount he bought only qualified as a misdemeanor in D.C.. Down here it would have been a felony. He plead out (blaming his alcoholism(!)), was given a fine and probation, and checked himself into some sort of 28 day Jiffy-Hab resort. 28 days later: Presto! Brand new squeaky-clean (but still radical reactionary) congressman. Only the local Young Republicans were buying it, though. Everyone else, from the governor on down, including the vast majority who had voted for him in the first place, cried out, "Depart, we say, and let us have done with you." (Or something to that effect. Apologies to Cromwell.) After a month of insisting that, no, he was fine, really, cured completely, nothing to see here anymore, please let me keep my cushy job, he finally resigned. Of course, it's strictly coincidental that the House Ethics Committee investigation of his behavior became moot as soon as he left.

Anyway, his seat is now empty and rather than wait until the regularly scheduled general election this November, the governor has set a special election for June 24, with a primary for the multiple Republican hopefuls set for April 22. The Democrats and Libertarians have one candidate each so there will be no primary for those parties.

The winner in June, most likely the Republican primary survivor (this district is made up of a huge number of old white folks with enough money to be able to retire to Florida), will have to turn right around and stand for re-election in November. And more than likely face another Republican primary in August.

The rationale for holding the special election is that it is critical for us to have representation but, given that Congress does virtually nothing lately and does even less than that over the summer, and given the length of even abbreviated election campaigns in this country, the only time our new representative will not be campaigning is the last week of June and the first two weeks of July during which he/she will be moving into his/her new offices. And Congress will be in recess for Independence Day.

But at least somebody will be collecting the congressional paycheck for our district.

We're Bombing in New Haven

In American theater, there are several degrees of importance. There is, of course, "Broadway." Major venues that are not literally on Broadway but still within the theater district are, logically enough, "Off Broadway." Those even further out but still in Manhattan (or at least New York City), and frequently experimental, are "Off Off-Broadway." And then there is "Off Off-Off-Broadway, sometimes also known as "New Haven."

We have the same thing with elections. We have elections around here every year for something or other. The big ones, of course, are the even-numbered year quadrennial presidential elections when we enjoy months of vicious mudslinging advertisements, day-long lines in the hot sun, eight-page ballots crammed with ridiculous proposed constitutional amendments the legislature was too craven to pass on their own, hanging chads, miscounts, recounts and court challenges. And the unrelenting attention of the national news media. This is our political "Broadway."

Two years later, in the intervening even years, we have our off-year elections when the federal House of Representatives, the state legislature, governor and the rest of the elected state officials, and the occasional U.S. Senator all stand for office. Fewer people show up for this one than the presidential elections but the governorship is important enough to attract a fairly decent turnout most years.

Then there are the off off-year elections. The odd-numbered year elections. The local races for mayor and city council and county commission and other even more obscure positions. The offices that generate the largest volume of most passionate, florid, ill-considered, barely literate and unintentionally hilarious letters to the editor of the local newspaper. This year.

Today.

And no one shows. I voted today. I went to my precinct just before noon. I thought I saw someone leaving as I entered but it could easily have been a poll worker taking some air. I was the only voter there during the time it took me to cast my ballot. There was a "guard" at the door, three people at the table where I showed my ID and received my number, another to trade me my number for a blank ballot, still one more to stand by and instruct me how to insert the completed ballot into the machine if I didn't know how or had forgotten since last time and two sitting attentively at another table watching the whole process. And that doesn't count the three people at the refreshment table on the way out offering to reward me with coffee and pastries.

I was outnumbered eleven-to-one.

People will bitch and moan about the president and blame him for things over which he has no control and are the Congress' responsibility. But they don't bother to vote for representative or senator. They complain about the governor but never vote against their state legislator. And for the politicians and offices that have the most effect on their taxes and day-to-day lives, the people who determine the property tax rates and manage the police and fire services, who run the sewer and water department and repair the roads? They don't even bother to vote.

But the letters will still be in the paper tomorrow.

Civic Calories

I voted yesterday in our city's non-partisan open primary for mayor and one council seat. It was a pathetic turnout, only 8%--seriously 8%--bothered to turn out. I think more than that write in to the newspaper every week to complain about the mayor and city council; they just won't get off their lazy butts to actually do anything about it.

One of the advantages, as I see it, to participating in a low-turnout election is that, proportionately, my vote carries more weight than it does in the general election (when people do show up to vote on the candidates already selected for them in the primary). Even so, my candidate for mayor came in second behind the incumbent although my choice for council member did win (the right to run in November).

The other advantage to a low-turnout election is that, since the polling place is usually stocked with edible goodies as a little reward to voters, the poll watchers still had mounded plates full of cookies, doughnuts and brownies when I came in a half hour before closing time. They insisted I take large quantities with me when I left. I obliged.

Free snacks are always a good thing as they go but the cookies at the hospital blood center are objectively better. And since I am scheduled for a platelet donation tomorrow . . ..

Government Efficiencies

Birthday time is also automobile registration renewal time so I went over to the tax collector's office this afternoon.

The county has separated routine tax payments from others that might require additional information/decision-making/judgment calls and so there is a typically governmental larger room with rows and rows of metal framed plastic chairs for people dealing with those issues and a small rope-lined area for "I'm just here to pay, no questions, no issues, thank you very much," folks, like me, all overseen by the number-issuing concierge.

I told the number-issuing concierge I was here to renew my vehicle's registration. He said, "That's it?" I said, "Yes," he printed out my number and told me to enter the rope line. By the time I reached the end of that (very short) path, the only person in front of me was finishing up with the cashier, who called my number. I handed her the registration notice and the cash (because Florida lets card companies tack on a service fee for using plastic) and she handed me my change and the license plate sticker.

I was in and out in under two minutes.

A few years ago, when I wanted to start an LLC back in Salt Lake City, I went on line to learn the process and required information (which was minimal). With that in hand, I went to the county offices there, paid the fees and had my business officially up and running in less than two hours.

When the government has a financial interest in getting you through the system it can be impressively efficient.

I just wish I knew how to apply that interest to running an election.

Aftermath

Turns out I was a bit premature in my optimism regarding the shortening voting lines at the library yesterday.

At 4:45 p.m. the line was back and even longer stretching out into and through the main library parking lot. It was at least three times longer than the one I'd seen going in. I spoke with a young woman who was heading back to her car after voting and she said she'd been waiting for over two hours and her line had been much shorter when she had begun her trek. We agreed the current wait must be over four hours (and the polls "close" in just over three). "Close," of course, means no one else can get in line. If you're already there--and stay there--you're good to go.

The six o'clock news had numerous reports of extra-long lines at polling places throughout the county. It turns out the number of actual voting machines assigned to each precinct is based on the number of registered voters (reasonable enough) as a per centage of total voters (O.K.) and as a result many precincts received exactly one voting machine (seriously?! WTF?). The extra-long ballot took close to a minute to feed into the machine meaning a maximum of 60-70 voters per hour throughput, until the machine malfunctioned, which some of them did more than once. In addition, the elderly and handicapped were not accommodated but were expected to stand in line with everyone else.

There are already letters to the editor in the newspaper (the very next day in a morning paper which is kind of impressive in itself) charging incompetence, which I am inclined to believe, and claiming intentional voter suppression, which doesn't make a lot of sense since this is a heavily Republican area and the election was put together by Republicans. As I said yesterday, I don't tend to make political predictions, but I think this will be remembered next cycle, and not to the advantage of those in charge.

Fortunately, our swing state was not determinative to the outcome after all, so our election was merely farce, not tragedy.

Democalypse Now!

I'm feeling much better about waiting in line for almost 3.5 hours to vote early Friday. At least it was warm and sunny.

It was with some trepidation that I went to the library today knowing it is a polling place and the parking lot would be crowded. I waited to go until after a very heavy downpour had subsided to a drizzle and found the back third of the overflow lot (which had been retopped and striped just before the weekend) was open. There were over 100 drenched and soggy people outside huddled in line under the dripping eaves waiting to get inside the side door to the community room where the polls had been set up. The storm also caused the temperature to drop a good ten degrees.

During early voting, all ballots were cast at the half dozen county offices and long lines were kind of expected but now, on election day, when a third of the electorate has already voted early and there are 125 separate voting precincts in this county alone, still: the lines.

I blame, in part, the enormous ballot, including eleven proposed state constitutional amendments (the twelfth was dropped for some legal technicality) presented in their entirety in English and Spanish. Also, the fact we are a swing state (although not, this year, the swing state) makes people believe their vote might make a difference and helps to raise turnout.

By mid-afternoon, the line outdoors was gone although the community room was still full.

I don't normally make political predictions but, based on what I'm hearing and reading about people's frustrating experiences this time around, I think next time folks will remember how the governor limited voting hours and the legislature fobbed off their responsibilities to create a monster ballot. Being an incumbent might not be pleasant.

Good Citizens

I voted early late yesterday. It was an interesting exercise in civic virtue and endurance.

5:10 p.m. -- Found a parking spot in the nearly full lot across the street from the county office and got in line. I'm less than fifteen feet from the entrance. Unfortunately the line goes the other way, down the length of the building into another parking lot, disappears around the corner and comes back again alongside the building to the door. Some female DJ has set up just past the door and is urging people to get excited, clap, cheer and dance in line while she alternates playing patriotic songs ("Anchors Aweigh," "The Ballad of the Green Berets," "The Caissons Go Rolling Along") and Village People hits (unless "In the Navy" is considered a patriotic song now). At least, in this segment of the line, we are slowly shuffling away from her.

5:25 p.m. -- The sun is shining, the air is warm, the sky is cloudless and deep with sixteen buzzards lazily circling together high overhead sharing a single thermal. The short Cuban woman immediately in front of me is reading her Nook. We've made some progress and the line has filled in behind us but we can still hear the music. The cameraman from the local Fox station has panned the crowd a couple of times and is leaving.

5:35 p.m. -- The two rather large young women behind me are on a cell phone: "We're going to the rodeo tomorrow night. Ask him if he wants us to take his truck there and sell it. There'll be, like, a thousand cowboys there."

5:50 p.m. -- We have reached the first turn. The line is revealed to be sort of golf club-shaped and we have traveled down the length of the shaft and are just starting across the base of the club head. The flock of buzzards has drifted off to the east.

6:05 p.m. -- I have a better view of the crowd as it loops around. There are people of European, African and Asian extraction, some in mixed groups, and a few unidentifiables. There are singles, couples and families, older folks with large bellies and tractor caps, young people with very short and very long hair, a couple of shirt and tie types and -- this being Florida -- a whole slew of Bermuda shorts and polo shirts.

6:10 p.m. -- Starting the second hour. The whole bottom-of-the-club-head part of the line, being in the parking lot, has to shuffle around like an immobile conga line to allow two cars that we have surrounded to leave. We imitate a rough sine wave. Both vehicles escape. No one loses their place. The Cuban woman looks up from her story to tell me how impressed she is that we Americans are actually willing to stand in line this long for anything.

6:15 p.m. -- We have reached the second turn and are now moving toward the top of the club head. People who are part of groups are temporarily dropping out of line to go sit on the curb. One gentleman is leaning against a Dumpster and the family a couple of people in front of the Cuban woman who is back to reading her Nook have split up with the mom taking the baby and carriage off somewhere.

6:40 p.m. -- The third turn. We are now starting across the top of the club head. We are also, at last, on the sidewalk that circles the building. Which means, we are also, finally, headed toward the entrance to the polling station. It gives us a sense of accomplishment. The sun goes down. Although the sky stays yellow and pale blue, without clouds the air cools quickly. Somewhere behind the rodeo girls, I overhear one couple talking to another about how they have friends in Illinois. I hear the words "their senator" and "well, they ought to know, then" but cannot tell either from context or tone of voice whether they are praising Obama or damning him.

6:55 p.m. -- The building exterior lights come on. Although the sky overhead has turned indigo, toward the horizon it's still pinkish orange creating intricately delicate silhouettes from the palm trees. The rodeo girls are talking with a young Nicaraguan woman who is voting for the first time. From what I can gather one of their horses (it's hard to tell from the names. They could just as easily be discussing a ranch hand) got in with the goats and scared them.

7:00 p.m. -- The final turn. From here its a straight line to the front door down a long narrow pink stucco arched arcade dripping with giant spider webs spun around and under the recessed ceiling lights (which is really pretty smart when you think about it because that's exactly where the moths and other night insects are going to go) and which the numerous, and very large, spiders are busy repairing and expanding. We remark on something we have all noticed: Although we see people being let in in groups, we have not seen anyone leaving. I suggest they're storing voters in a large underground vault, but one of the rodeo girls insists that if you don't vote for Obama, they just kill you right there. Can't tell if she approves or not.

7:10 p.m. -- Start of the third hour.  The reactions of the people when they turn that corner and recognize the final gauntlet they must negotiate is amusing. Several, including the larger of the rodeo girls, decide to step out of the arcade and move along on the lawn parallel to the line. The line itself develops knots and gaps as people bunch up between light fixtures and avoid standing directly under webs. The spiders do have a tendency to jiggle around and occasionally drop a foot or two before catching themselves.

7:20 p.m. -- The larger rodeo girl rejoins us and the Nicaraguan amuses herself by playing "what's that on your shoulder?" with her. The Nicaraguan then begins to imagine that creepy things are on her but I let her know it's just karma crawling up her back.

7:25 p.m. -- There is a stifled scream behind us and we turn to see an open circle of six people staring at their feet. Apparently, a spider lost its footing, but they all bravely stomped it.

7:35 p.m. -- We're at the door! It is being guarded by a sweet little old lady of iron will and steel determination. She asks how many in our group (which we have sort of become over the course of the evening) and when one of the rodeo girls pipes up, "Table for eight, please," shuts the door in front of the Cuban woman.

7:40 p.m. -- We actually see some people leave and the gatekeeper lady lets the Cuban and me in. We are greeted by another line, this one to present IDs. There are three stations but only one in use. As we stand there a second station opens up. The rodeo girls and the Nicaraguan are let in. I say, "That's what you get for being a smart-ass," to the one who requested the table and she grins.

7:45 p.m. -- The Cuban lady and I present ID. Basically, you swipe your driver's license (or other acceptable form of ID including credit or debit card(!?! Seriously, WTF? debit or credit card?) Mine is fine but it turns out the Cuban lady has requested and received an absentee ballot and does not have it with her or proof that she did not already use it and so, after two hours and 35 minutes in line, she is taken away.

7:50 p.m. -- I sign electronically that I am not committing voter fraud and am sent to the next table where my ballot is printed out. I am told that, in this county, thanks to various local offices, referenda and initiatives, there are 32 possible different ballots. Every voter gets a custom one based on their precinct. mine is four large sheets, printed on both sides.

7:55 p.m. -- I manage to find the only sit down voting station in the building.

8:10 p.m. -- Beginning hour four.

8:15 p.m. -- I finish marking my ballot, put it in the protective "privacy jacket" and take it to the vote counting machine where, under the very-careful-not-to-notice-how-you-voted scrutiny of a poll worker I, after verifying my identity, feed the sheets into the machine. I give them back their pen and "privacy jacket" and they give me an "I Voted" sticker.

8:20 p.m. -- The rodeo girls and the Nicaraguan are finishing up the same time I am. We're all veterans now so we just nod and smile a little and say "goodbye." The parking lot is almost empty when I retrieve my car.

I find out later the Cuban lady had to cast a provisional ballot until the County Clerk's office can track down her absentee ballot. She spent all that time in line Friday because she works two jobs both Saturday, the last day of early voting, and Tuesday, election day. I, of course, have no idea who she voted for but with that kind of dedication this country's in good shape.

Familiar Faces Standing in the Light at the End of the Tunnel

The county Supervisor of Elections sends out sample ballots to every registered voter a couple of weeks prior to the election so we can all familiarize ourselves with what's up for decision this time around. I received mine yesterday.

The good news is: this means we're very close to the end of our two-year-long civic iron man triathalon. I look forward to the return of the overbearing used-car salesmen, ambulance chasing lawyers, screaming furniture warehouse pitchmen and concernedly sensitive hospice hucksters to our local airwaves. The bad news is: that final hurdle at the finish line.

We've been warned for a while now that this year's ballot would be exceptionally long, thanks to our pusillanimous legislature that decided, rather than actually doing its job and passing laws, to kick the responsibility over to us by creating an even dozen constitutional ballot initiatives and then exempting its initiatives from the legal requirements for brevity and clarity that ones proposed by, say, real concerned citizens are subject to*. Our ballot will be seven pages long**.

The first two pages are for candidates for office, the second page being entirely for the election of various judges which is a stupid concept in the first place and a legacy of Jim Crow but constitutional and just the way they do things down here. Technically, the judges are appointed and these are just retention elections but still.

What fascinated me, though, was the first column on the first page which is devoted entirely to the presidential/vice presidential race. In this state, at least, there are ten different tickets running for those offices. At the top of the list, of course, are Romney/Ryan and Obama/Biden (in that order, our governor being Republican thus giving that party top billing). After that, I'm not sure what order these candidates are in. Perhaps by vote total in the previous election? It's certainly not alphabetical by either candidate or party. Speaking of which, the three-letter abbreviations used for the parties are not much help.

The third party listed is "OBJ". Objectivist? After that, I recognize Gary Johnson and the "LBT", or Libertarian. There's Virgil Goode and what I assume from "CPF" is Conservative Party of Florida although it could just as easily be Communist. (O.K. a quick Google search indicates the "C" stands for Constitution. Apologies to all those on the far left and/or right.) "GRE" equals Green and I recognize Jill Stein. I assume "SOC" is Socialist. (And good luck to you, too, in this state.)

I have no idea what the REF, PSL, PFP, AIP, or JPF parties are even though Roseanne Barr (yes, that Roseanne Barr!) and Cindy Sheehan (of camping out in W's front yard fame) are the PFP candidates.

And then, here, at the very bottom of the ballot is a candidate I know personally, who I have met on a number of occasions and spoken to. Ross C. "Rocky" Anderson, former mayor of Salt Lake City, lefty burr under the saddle of the Utah legislature, is the presidential candidate for the JPF and is on the ballot here in Florida.

It is indeed a small, and very strange, world.

*I intend to vote no on all of them. The ones I have been able to read are awful and I have no intention of voting "Yes" on anything I haven't read.
**Some slightly paranoid commentators have opined that the length of the ballot is intentional and designed to discourage voters who may get frustrated at the amount of time needed and the backed up lines and just give up without voting but, as a voter suppression tactic, I don't see how that favors one side over the other. Never ascribe to Evil that which can be explained by Stupidity. For me, it's a moot point since we have early voting starting tomorrow and I intend to get it all over with then.