At the Sisyphus Garage

I've mentioned before my redneck brother's tendency to shop by price alone, hence his willingness to patronize WalMart for the slightly lower price without noticing the slightly smaller package size and slightly lower quality, but this series of truck repairs can not be blamed entirely on his choice of barely competent mechanics just because they charge less than his old one.

His truck was in and out (mostly in) the shop last week for headlight problems. Specifically, he didn't have any high beams. So he took it in for what should have been a simple replacement.

Tuesday: They put in new lamps and managed to disconnect the low beams. He brought it back.

Wednesday: They reconnected the low beams and managed to disconnect one of the new high beams. He brought it back.

Thursday: They broke the grill. He left it there overnight.

Friday: They installed a new grill. They double-checked all the connections and the alignments and guaranteed everything was in working order, which it was. My brother took it to work where one of his co-workers backed into him denting the grill and breaking one of the lamps.

The bozos at his garage got a big laugh out of that because, hey, at least it wasn't their fault.

This time.

New Year, Same Us

Looks like the New Year just turned on a dime.

It started the way it ended: warm, slightly humid, cloudy. Yesterday a cold front moved through. Perhaps it's a "cold front" since it can't compare to the deep freeze people are going through in the rest of the country, but our temperatures did drop 20 degrees over the course of two hours and rain came in wiping out the humidity. The crescent moon was out but I've become a wimp since moving down here and it was too damn cold to use the telescope.

The house got down to 65F last night but a warming trend is forecast for the weekend and it's going to have to stay "cold" for a lot longer before we break down and turn on the heat. Undershirts, long sleeves (my brother broke out a flannel shirt I didn't even know he owned) and sweaters for outdoors are more than sufficient for us although the cats, despite their fuzziness, are not happy. This is the kittens' first winter and they don't know what to make of it. That, and the Christmas tree coming down, is confusing them no end. At least the cooler weather has convinced the library to finally turn off their air conditioning.

The cold did do in my car battery and I had to have my brother come down to the deli where it died and jump start it. New battery, new posts, new left headlight (coincidence) and we're good to go.

Meanwhile, I find out my brother ran a stop sign on a deserted* road where only one directional turn is permitted . . . and managed to get caught. So he now has his first moving violation in over 20 years, a $167 fine (Who makes up these numbers? What's the logic?) and has to take an on-line remedial driver's course. I presume that's to keep points off his license.

And I forgot my platelet donation was scheduled for the second and went ahead and took my aspirin on the first. I was scheduled for two donations this month but now we'll only do the one on the 30th. I feel bad about that.

Happy New Year!

*except for the lurking cop who caught him.

When the Air Went Out

I was driving home yesterday evening when my left front tire suddenly went flat. Fortunately, I was just starting up from a stop sign so my speed was negligible. I pulled over into the next side street and up onto the verge, although the left front of the car where I was going to have to work was still partially on the street. My "spare" was a donut and the jack that comes with the car is obnoxiously inefficient but I got down to the task.

This is one of the ways you can tell you're in the South:

In the fifteen minutes it took me to change the tire, four people (out of maybe eight passing vehicles) pulled over to ask if they could help. One actually passed me and backed up. One was a woman in an SUV who's idea of help, I suspect, would have been to call AAA or a towing company since she was not dressed to get on her knees in the street with me, but her heart was in the right place, bless her. The last one was the owner of the property in front of which I was parked who had just come home from work and, although I was nearly done, insisted on handing the nuts to me while I was screwing them back on and putting the hubcap back in the trunk with the flat for me.

Today I replaced both front tires. I'll probably have to do the rear ones after the first of the year. But, at least I know I won't be alone.

Redneck Studies: Deadly Deja Vu Department

My brother called me last night to come out and rescue him. It seems he'd been turning into a customer's driveway when the left front of his truck collapsed onto the pavement.

Again.

Fortunately, he was only going about 5 miles an hour as he made the turn so he was not injured, but the left front still hit hard and looks like it might have bent the frame since he can no longer close the driver's door. I met him out by the side of the road and we waited for the tow truck to drag his vehicle back to the same guys who "fixed" the exact same problem (which only occurred after they "repaired" a different problem) barely four months ago.

He uses these jokers because he's a sucker for an underdog sob story and the owner claims to have quit the garage my brother used to use (and I still do) in a righteous fit because the other owner was doing something shady although he hasn't given any specifics. He now claims the old shop is in financial trouble which I certainly haven't seen whenever I've been in there. All this is hearsay and only one side of the story. My theory is bozo got fired for incompetence. He claims to have quit in a huff without giving notice. I say he was fired on the spot and told to get out immediately. Considering the quality of his work in my brother's case, I feel pretty confident in my assessment.

My brother does not take advice well. Nevertheless, I attempted, as diplomatically as possible, to explain to him that these bozos had already had all the chances they should be allowed and that he really ought to take his truck somewhere else lest they get another chance to kill him because, sooner or later, they might well succeed. I think I might have got through to him. At least, he was talking about going somewhere else and sending these idiots the bill. Whether he does or not, we'll see.

At leas it wasn't raining last night.

Redneck Studies: A Close Call, Parts & Labor Included

Neighbor Dan came over Saturday evening shortly after my brother had left for work. I thought he might be coming to visit the kittens as he and his youngest daughter had done the day before but he was stopping to let me know he had my brother on his phone. My phone was charging at the time. It's a problem with not having a land line anymore.

It seems my brother had been driving on our town's main commercial drag, a six lane (not counting turn-offs) "boulevard" of chain restaurants, strip malls and big box stores when the front end of his truck just fell off about four blocks from work. He needed cash for the tow truck. I grabbed $100 from my brother's stash and headed out.

When I found him, he had managed to pull over into a turn-out lane and was out of the main flow of traffic although that did not stop several inattentive idiots, despite his hazard lights flashing, from pulling in behind his truck as they attempted to enter the mall.

He hadn't been kidding about his truck. It looked as if the left front axle had broken or at least separated from the differential. The end of the axle and the ball joint were just lying there on the road. The wheel was turned in and down at a 45 degree angle and the entire front of the truck sagged. It was a good thing he was in town where the speed limit is 45 mph and traffic volume often prevents even that. If he'd been on the highway when that happened the truck would have gone head over heels and he'd be dead now.

And here's where we get to the Redneck Studies. The thing is, that's exactly the part of the truck he'd had repaired only about 1000 miles ago.

Your typical redneck will opt for the independent contractor, good ol' boy almost every time. The main exception is retail where Wally World wins out over mom-'n'-pop. It all comes down to price, quality be damned. My brother had taken his truck to two guys who used to work for an established (but still local and otherwise good ol' boy himself) mechanic. (They claimed they left voluntarily because they objected to certain of his business practices which is just the unverifiably generic excuse I would expect from a couple of guys who were probably let go for being slackers, but I'm cynical that way.) Be that as it may, they quoted my brother a really good price for the work and he let them at it.

You get what you pay for is a maxim that does not register with rednecks.

I offered to stay with my brother but he declined as there was nothing, really, for me to do there and I'd left my dinner on the stove so I went home before the cats could get to it. My brother had the truck towed to the guys who messed it up, left it parked blocking their garage bay and walked home. I gave him my car to go back to work. So now we're down to one car until the truck is fixed or he can convince his insurance to pay for a rental and since he drives for a living that may not be automatic.

Redneck Studies

My brother had to take his truck in for repairs . . . again.

It is my considered opinion, after careful study, that rednecks make purchases, especially major ones, only after careful study and deliberation which they invariably ignore in favor of the emotions of the moment.

When my brother's car died last year, he looked at a used truck in a repair shop lot as a potential replacement. Since the vehicle was offered without warranty, I went and bought him a CARFAX report on it which showed a clean record with no serious issues. The next day, he came home with his "new" truck--which he had purchased, for cash, on the spur of the moment, at a completely different garage. Since then, he has had to replace/repair tires, fuel pump, radiator, driver's door, driver's window motor, an axle and now the water pump. He makes no connection between the number and cost of the repairs and not doing research before impulse buying.

The same thing happened last weekend with our new freezer. The store advertising the sale was sold out, six to eight days until delivery. So he went out scouting around, found a used one for even less and had it delivered on Sunday. It doesn't fit under the shelf where the old one was and wouldn't go through the front door so we had to dig out a path through the garage (which was actually shorter to its final destination in the laundry room) which caused the local zoning popo to stop by a day later and inquire about all the cartons still scattered across the lawn and driveway because we left the pathway in the garage open but my brother was able to explain them away since they were mostly Christmas decorations which he had decided to take over to the storage unit until needed again. The gasoline cans he explained as precaution against Isaac which the city guy thought was reasonable and said as long as everything was cleaned up within a week it would be O.K.

At least the freezer does have a one year warranty. As for raising/removing the shelf so the freezer can go back against the wall: if it happens before the warranty runs out I will be very surprised.

DIY Follies, Automotive Division

I am not mechanically inclined. I know this and readily admit it. While I am fascinated by systems and the workings of mechanical objects and often understand (and can, in cases, even teach others) the theory behind things that work, I know better than to try making them work myself, if they choose not to. This applies especially to automobiles.

Despite 20+ years of listening to "Car Talk," to the point where I often call out the diagnosis before the hosts do, and despite "helping" (meaning "supervising," meaning "watching") a friend do a driveway brake job, I will not attempt my own repairs. That said, there are two things I can do: change a tire and change the oil.

So this morning, having purchased oil and filters, gathered paper towels and tracked down the funnel, I made ready to do manly car stuff. I pulled on the little handle to release the hood latch and heard the thump as it released.

Or, heard a thump of some kind. The hood was still sealed shut.

I pulled again. Nothing happened. Finally, on the third try I got a result. The latch handle broke free from the cable.

I managed to get the latch reattached to the hinge (but not the cable) and drove up to the mechanic my brother uses on a regular basis. I had been there only once before, myself, when I first moved down here and wanted the car gone over after it's 2000 mile trip, but I was in their computer so all was good and, within half an hour, the cable was reattached and the oil changed all for less than $30. They used their own oil and filters, so now I have a stash set aside against any future lubricant-based emergency.

At least I can still change a tire.

The Shortcut

My brother went across the river yesterday to buy a couple of tires, one for himself and one for me. He picked some little hole-in-the-wall shop no bigger than a two car garage that specializes in cheap tires. He came home empty-handed.

Just as he pulled into the alley where the shop is located he heard a loud explosion. It seems a full size semi-tractor trailer rig had, instead of simply going straight out to the street, tried to take the diagonal through the back lot of the tire shop where the low hanging power lines slid up and over the wind spoiler on top of the cab and dropped down between the cab and the trailer catching there and pulling down the power pole, snapping it into six pieces and blowing up both of the transformers attached to it. When people went to investigate, they found the idiot driver out of the cab and trying unsuccessfully to push, by hand, the wires back over the top of the trailer, presumably so he could continue on his way.

With power out in the neighborhood, my brother came home mission unaccomplished.

He went back this morning after calling to confirm that electricity had been restored. The owner was so grateful/desperate for business he called back to ask what sizes we were looking for so he could have them ready and waiting when my brother arrived.

Redneck Studies

I've been studying my brother for some time now and I am beginning to get a handle on the concept of "Redneck" especially the southern variety. For one thing, it's an acquired trait. My brother was born and raised in New England and has lived everywhere from the northern plains to southern California without betraying any such tendencies previously.

One of the primary traits is the habit of trying to come up with original yet ad hoc solutions to common problems, attempting to bypass the ways of the world as it were, without, at the same time, covering all of the possible, and often obvious, consequences.

For example: My brother decided, a couple of years ago when gasoline prices were going through one of their regular and in no way manipulated spikes, to do a little hydrocarbon arbitrage. He bought a number of plastic jerry cans and filled them with regular unleaded in an attempt to lock in the price. The full cans he then stored in the shed out back.

Let's forget the opportunity cost of tying up cash in a volatile commodity.

The redneck point is: The shed is not watertight. Neither are the jerry cans. By the time the price of gas had risen enough for him to feel justified dipping into the strategic reserve, the cans contained probably 98% distilled petroleum and 2% H2O. I had to rescue him more than once before we figured out why his truck kept conking out on him (invariably in the middle of the night).

Although he no longer tops off the truck from the cans neither has he disposed of the contaminated fuel. (Note: Review the concept of sunk costs.) Apparently, a couple of weeks ago he filled the tank of the lawnmower from one of the cans. The lawn is now knee high and the grass is literally going to seed. (The length of time it has taken to fix the mower, this time, is not entirely his fault since Mom put the receiver of the phone in her room (Why does she even have a phone in her room?) down backwards which took the entire house off-line for the weekend (we don't use the land line much) causing the lawnmower repair guys to get a busy signal and delay returning the mower to us.)

The last time the mower needed repair (August) he bitched and moaned for a day and a half about the cost. This time, not a word. Which means he knows it's his fault. The repair guys didn't just find water in the tank. Spiders (more accurately, spider corpses) were clogging up the carburetor, too.

Vicarious Expertise

Well, it seems my many years of listening to "Car Talk" have finally paid off.

My brother has been having semi-regular problems with his "new" used truck usually ending with me driving out to wherever he is stranded to deliver a jug of gasoline. (In spite of the fact that I paid for a Carfax report on a vehicle he was looking at, he went and bought a completely different one without doing any serious research on it. Of the numerous relatively small annoyances happening with this truck, one is the unworking fuel gauge.)

This last time the truck died on him he claimed to have put fuel in it just recently. I told him, based on the symptoms and my NPR automotive experience (and from the sound of the starter grinding) that I thought it was either vapor lock or a dead/dying fuel pump. I had also suggested the fuel pump the last time it happened. He tried starting it with the gas cap off to no avail.

The next morning he took it to the shop and spent all day there as they had to cut bolts away to lower the gas tank and replace the fuel pump.

Called it!!!

Thanks, Tom 'n' Ray!